My decisions were influenced by self-doubt at one point in my life. I felt inadequate all the time, constantly doubted my skills, and looked to other people for approval. It took years to develop this self-perception, which was shaped by comparisons with others, cultural norms, and prior experiences. I came to see that my low self-esteem was preventing me from taking advantage of opportunities, forming connections, and—above all—leading a life in which I was genuinely content with who I was.
Feeling good is only one aspect of self-esteem; it also influences our interactions with others, our risk-taking, and our ability to bounce back from setbacks. Lack of self-esteem makes us reluctant to take advantage of possibilities out of fear of rejection or failure. We get caught up in pessimistic thought patterns and think we don't deserve love, happiness, or success. Conversely, having a strong sense of self-worth enables us to embrace our flaws and talents, make decisions that are consistent with who we really are, and navigate life with assurance.
I recall a chat with a good friend who said, "We wouldn't be friends if you talked to me the way you talk to yourself." I was struck deeply by that moment. It helped me see how much worse my mental treatment of myself was than my treatment of other people. I realized then that restoring my self-esteem required more than simply feeling better; it also required changing the way I talk to myself and choosing self-compassion over self-criticism.
How can one develop self-esteem, then? It's a slow process that calls for perseverance, hard work, and the courage to question ingrained self-perceptions. The techniques listed below assisted me in altering my self-perception and regaining my confidence from the inside out.
What is self-esteem
In essence, self-esteem is how we view and regard ourselves. Our connections, experiences, and even the expectations society places on us all influence it. Self-esteemed people feel confident in their choices, have faith in their own skills, and are less swayed by criticism from others. Conversely, poor self-esteem can result in an excessive reliance on outside approval, dread of failure, and ongoing self-doubt.
The most difficult thing for me was realizing that my poor self-esteem was a product of years of absorbed negativity rather than a reflection of my true value. As a child, I frequently felt eclipsed by more self-assured people and thought I had nothing special to contribute. I didn't know that self-esteem is something we can develop rather than something we are born with until I consciously began focusing on how I see myself.
Let's examine some doable strategies for overcoming self-doubt and beginning to develop a more positive self-image.
1. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Negative self-talk is among the most harmful behaviors that result from poor self-esteem. Our mental dialogue with ourselves shapes our emotions and actions. You'll feel that way if you convince yourself that you're not good enough all the time. I used to be my own harshest critic, concentrating on all of my errors while ignoring my successes. I eventually came to see how my world was being shaped by this internal conversation.
When I began to question these ideas, it was a turning moment in my life. "Would I say this to a close friend?" I started to ask myself. I knew I had to change the way I thought if the response was negative. I began to say, "I'm still learning, and every effort I make counts," rather than, "I'll never be good at this." My self-esteem was greatly impacted by this minor change in perspective.
Writing down my negative thoughts and responding with a positive comment was another strategy that I found to be effective. For instance, I might jot down a counterstatement such as "I have made mistakes, but I have also learned and improved from them" if I feel that I continually make mistakes. I became more aware of how unreasonable my self-criticism was after seeing these quotes put in writing.
I ultimately learned to be more kind to myself, although it took some time. Try pausing and rephrasing the story if you find yourself caught in a negative thought pattern. Self-compassion becomes more instinctive the more you practice it.
2. Setting Achievable Goals
Learning how to create and accomplish modest, achievable objectives was one of the biggest boosts to my confidence during this trip. You frequently believe that you are incapable of succeeding when you battle with self-esteem. Success doesn't have to be big, though; it may be as easy as doing a chore you've been putting off, forming a new habit, or even getting through a difficult day with a good outlook.
I used to set unrealistically high objectives and get devastated when I couldn't achieve them. The SMART goal method—which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals—was introduced to me at that point. I would make a goal like, "I will spend 30 minutes each day organizing my tasks for the week," rather than just declaring, "I want to be more productive." Over time, I gained confidence via little, steady victories.
Encouraging yourself to finish a public speaking course was one of my most fulfilling experiences. I always shied away from public speaking because I was self-conscious. But I divided the objective into manageable chunks: practicing alone first, then speaking in front of friends, and then giving a presentation in front of a group. After finishing the course, I experienced an amazing sense of success and realized that I was more capable than I had previously thought.
If self-esteem is a problem for you, start by establishing modest but attainable goals. Finishing them will boost your confidence that you can succeed and give you a sense of accomplishment.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
I used to believe that caring for oneself only involved treating oneself to luxury activities like spa treatments or trips. But I've realized that true self-care is all about putting your physical, mental, and emotional health first. You are sending a strong message to your mind that you deserve love and attention when you look for yourself.
I found that how well I took care of my body was directly related to how I felt about myself. I felt lethargic and unmotivated when I disregarded my health by skipping meals, staying up late, or not exercising. But my energy levels and self-confidence increased when I tried to eat a healthy diet, exercise, and get adequate sleep.
I started using morning affirmations as a straightforward yet powerful self-care practice. Even though I didn't initially believe it, I would stand in front of the mirror every morning and say something encouraging about myself. As these affirmations became more ingrained, I really started to perceive myself more favorably.
Setting limits is another aspect of self-care. I used to accept everything, even if it made me feel worn out and undervalued. It changed my life to learn how to say "no" when something didn't fit with my well-being. It made me realize how significant my time and effort were and that I didn't need to win over everyone to be deserving.
Self-esteem naturally develops as you begin to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Show yourself the same consideration and decency that you give to other people.
4. Accept Failure as a Step Up
Failure is a necessary part of progress, even though it is sometimes feared. No one ever achieves success without making errors. I battled with this for years. Rather than serving as a springboard for improvement, each defeat felt like proof of my shortcomings. It took me a while to change how I thought about failure and start viewing it as a learning opportunity rather than a loss.
I recall trying my hardest to launch a modest internet company. Regretfully, I had to shut it down because things didn't work out as expected. I felt like a failure at first. What's wrong with me? was a question I kept asking myself. Why am I not as successful as others? But after giving it some thought, I saw how much I had learned about consumer behavior, marketing, and even how resilient I am.
I've launched additional businesses since then, and each one has improved on the one before it, even if none have been extremely profitable. Instead of dwelling on disappointment, the important thing is to learn from it. I started taking more chances when I got over my fear of failing, which led to increased chances for success.
Asking yourself, "What did I learn?" after each setback is a useful strategy for accepting failure. How can I get better from this experience? This change in perspective can help you become more resilient over time and stop failures from determining your value.
5. Practice Assertiveness
For a long time, I suffered from assertiveness. I used to be the type of person who would do anything to avoid conflict, frequently putting the demands of others above my own to maintain harmony. But as time went on, I saw that repressing my emotions and ideas all the time was just hurting my sense of self-worth.
One of my coworkers used to frequently interrupt me during meetings and claim credit for my ideas. Despite my frustration, I kept quiet to avoid starting a fight. I eventually saw that by being silent, I was subtly encouraging others to ignore my efforts.
When I had plucked up the resolve to confront the matter, I said politely and simply, that I would want to finish my thoughts before continuing. I believe my opinions are important and should be taken into consideration. The individual genuinely apologized and became more considerate of allowing me to talk, which surprised me.
Being forceful does not equate to being hostile or impolite. It entails politely and clearly communicating your requirements and boundaries. Using "I" sentences, such as "I feel uncomfortable when" or "I would appreciate it if," is a useful technique to practice this. By doing this, the emphasis moves from blaming the other person to communicating your own needs and feelings.
6. Recognize Your Strengths
I used to spend a lot of time concentrating on my shortcomings rather than my advantages. I would minimize or dismiss compliments from others. I was too preoccupied with evaluating myself against other people to really truly see my own value.
A pivotal moment occurred when I began to maintain a "Strengths Journal." I made a note of at least one item I accomplished well that day every night. It seemed strange at first as if I were making myself see something that wasn't there. But as the days stretched into weeks, I began to see trends: I was tenacious even in trying circumstances, I was skilled at solving problems, and I had a natural capacity to console others.
I found that asking close friends or family members what they thought my strengths were was a simple yet effective activity. I was taken aback by the responses as they revealed aspects of myself that I had not before considered. I became more self-assured and stopped being so judgmental of myself when I realized my skills.
I strongly advise setting aside some time each day to remind yourself of your strengths if you have trouble with self-esteem. You are far more defined by your strengths than by your flaws.
7. Take Part in Your Favorite Activities
I once overlooked the things I used to enjoy because I was so preoccupied with my everyday obligations. Painting and hiking were once something I enjoyed, but somewhere down the line I persuaded myself I was "too busy." I became aware of my sense of detachment from myself gradually. I felt like I was simply going through the motions and my days were monotonous.
I saw an instant shift in my perspective when I eventually decided to start doing the activities I enjoyed once more. I started hiking on the weekends because I felt that the fresh air helped me decompress. I took up painting again because it made me happy, not because I was very talented at it. I felt like myself again after engaging in these little activities.
More than simply a means to kill time, hobbies and passions serve as a reminder that you are a person outside of work, obligations, and stress. It helps you develop confidence organically and strengthens your feeling of self.
Spend a minute thinking about what used to make you happy if you feel like you've lost touch with it. Your self-esteem can significantly improve even if you only devote an hour a week to something you enjoy.
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