How to Get Over a Breakup and Ways to Deal When You’re Hurting

 Breaking up is one of the most emotionally draining situations in life. You may experience heartbreak, confusion, and difficulty making sense of anything. The anguish can be unbearable, regardless of whether the breakup was mutually agreed upon or abrupt. However, healing is achievable; it involves learning to process the loss, rebuild yourself, and ultimately move on rather than forgetting the person or repressing feelings.

After a five-year partnership, I recall my good friend Rachel going through a difficult split. She felt as though she had lost a piece of herself in addition to her boyfriend, and she was distraught. I became aware of how profound and all-consuming sadness can be after witnessing her suffer. She eventually discovered methods to recover and come out stronger, though, via trial and error. Motivated by her experience, I would want to provide some useful strategies for overcoming a breakup and getting on with life.

1. Accept the Pain and Give Yourself Time

Permitting oneself to experience the pain is the first step toward recovery. There is no fast route to avoiding the emotional rollercoaster that is a breakup. At first, Rachel attempted to ignore her emotions by convincing herself she was "fine" and keeping herself occupied to divert her attention. However, it merely postponed the inevitable; one night, she broke down as everything suddenly hit her.

She realized that she had to permit herself to mourn. Instead of repressing her feelings, she was able to process them by crying, writing in her notebook, and discussing them with a close friend. It can be freeing to acknowledge that feelings of grief, anger, and bewilderment are common following a breakup. Healing takes time, just like any other loss. For a while, it's acceptable to not feel well.

2. Cut Off Contact (At Least Temporarily)

Establishing distance is one of the most difficult yet essential healing processes. It's tempting to look through their past messages, check their social media, or persuade yourself that it would be wise to remain friends right now. However, doing so frequently makes the agony worse.

This was difficult for Rachel, who continued monitoring her ex's Instagram for indications that he was unhappy without her. However, it just kept her mired in the past. She eventually stopped contacting him, erased their conversations, and unfollowed him. Although it hurt, it helped her restore emotional self-control.

If communication is required (for work or shared duties), make an effort to keep it brief and businesslike. If not, let yourself have time to recover without being reminded of the past all the time.

3. Allow Yourself to Mourn the Loss

Losing a partner is only one aspect of a breakup; other aspects include the loss of routines, inside jokes, and plans you had in mind. It's important to grieve this loss.

Writing letters that she never mailed to her ex gave Rachel solace. It allowed her to let go of her feelings without causing new ones. While some people prefer to vent to friends, others find solace in speaking with a therapist. The objective is the same, regardless of the approach that suits you: to process the grief instead of repressing it.

4. Take Care of Your Physical and Mental Health

It's simple to put off taking care of oneself when going through tragedy. Rachel acknowledged that she seldom ate, slept, or worked out over the first several weeks. She saw a significant change in her emotions, however, as soon as she began to take care of herself by eating healthily, doing yoga, and taking walks.

Endorphins, which are released during exercise, can help fight off depression and stress. Your well-being may benefit from even seemingly little activities like receiving a massage, practicing mindfulness, or taking deep breaths. It's crucial to be gentle to oneself at this period.

5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Heartbreak may be exacerbated by isolation. Being among loved ones might serve as a potent reminder that you are not alone.

At first, Rachel wished to remain alone herself since she believed that no one would sympathize with her suffering. However, she discovered how much love and support she had when she at last confided in her closest friend. Being around people who truly care about you may have a profound impact, whether it's via heart-to-heart conversations, impromptu road trips, or laughing at a dumb movie.

6. Focus on Rebuilding Yourself

You could feel as though you've lost a part of yourself after a breakup, particularly if the relationship played a significant role in who you are. However, it's also a chance to reestablish your identity apart from that relationship.

During this period, Rachel resumed some of the old pastimes she had put on hold while in a relationship. She resumed painting, something she had always enjoyed but had not done much of. She too traveled alone to a destination she had long desired. She was reminded of her own power and felt more autonomous as a result of these events.

Spend this time investing in yourself rather than focusing on what was lost. Take some time to think about what you really want out of life, learn a new skill, or pursue new interests. Healing is about becoming a better, more resilient version of yourself, not just about moving on.

7. Permit yourself to Let Go

One of the most difficult but essential healing processes is letting go. It's simple to romanticize the past by concentrating solely on the happy times and neglecting the causes of the breakup. But you will remain trapped if you cling to what was.

This was difficult for Rachel. She continued to relive their pleasant times together, telling herself that perhaps if she had taken a different action, things could have turned out differently. But as time went on, she began to see the link more clearly. She reminded herself of the moments when she didn't feel heard, the ways they had become more distant, and the reasons behind the separation.

It's not necessary to erase the past or act as though the connection never happened to let go. It entails coming to terms with the fact that the chapter has ended. You cannot embrace the changes that lie ahead of you if you cling to false hope.

8. Avoid Rebound Relationships

Entering a new relationship might seem like a quick remedy while you're grieving. Although it may seem alluring to find someone else to fill the hole, rebounds can result in more emotional baggage and confusion.

Rachel had to learn this lesson the hard way. She began seeing someone fresh a few months after she split in the hopes that it would help her forget about the hurt. Instead, she discovered that she hadn't really recovered and began comparing them to her ex. She felt much worse once that rebound romance ended.

It's crucial to give yourself time to recover and regain your own happiness before starting a new relationship. Instead of acting as a band-aid solution for unresolved feelings, a successful relationship should enhance your life.

9. Change Your Viewpoint

Although it's simple to view a breakup as a failure, changing your perspective can aid in the healing process. Consider it a teaching moment rather than a source of suffering. What did you learn about yourself from the relationship? What characteristics of a mate do you now know you want—or don't want? How can you develop from this experience?

Eventually, Rachel realized that, despite its significance, her relationship wasn't a good fit for her long-term objectives. She found calm when she began to see it as an essential component of her path rather than as a loss.

Although they can be unpleasant, breakups can also present chances for personal growth. Feelings of regret or resentment might be reduced by rephrasing the event.

10. Engage in New Experiences

Accepting new experiences is one of the finest strategies to advance. Attempting new things reminds you that life is full of opportunities and helps you change your focus.

For the first time in her life, Rachel decided to travel alone. She went to a new city, made new friends, and found her confidence again. She was reminded by the event that she could achieve happiness on her own.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone, whether it be through travel, learning a new skill, or just saying "yes" to new experiences, may be very therapeutic. It reaffirms that you are in charge of your own happiness and that life continues.

11. Consider Therapy

Speaking with a therapist might be a lifesaver if you are having trouble coping. While family members and friends might occasionally assist, a therapist offers an impartial setting where you can completely express your feelings without fear of criticism.

At first, Rachel was apprehensive about going to therapy because she believed she should be able to "just get over it" on her own. However, after a few sessions, she saw its advantages. Her therapist assisted her in developing better coping skills, seeing patterns in her previous relationships, and exploring deeper emotions.

One of the finest choices you can make for your recovery process is to get professional assistance if you're feeling overburdened, nervous, or trapped in a depressive cycle.

12. Set Boundaries for Healing

Setting limits that safeguard your mental health is necessary for moving on. This might entail avoiding the locations you used to go to together, reducing the amount of time you spend talking about your ex with people you have in common, or, if necessary, banning their phone numbers.

By putting away old presents, quitting their favorite café, and politely asking others not to bring up her ex in conversation, Rachel established boundaries. She was able to go on without continual emotional triggers thanks to these minor adjustments.

Setting boundaries is about allowing yourself the time and space you need to recover completely, not about ignoring the past. By honoring your own boundaries, you provide a space where you may genuinely advance.

Read More

Healing After a Breakup: Steps to Rebuild Your Life

 What is a breakup? An end of any relationship? For me, it was more than just an ending—it was a wave of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. At first, I told myself I would be fine, I was continuously crying and was unable to control my emotions, and started to blame myself, but as days passed, the reality of the loss settled in. Even though we parted on good terms, the routine I was so used to was gone, leaving behind a strange emptiness.

Moving on wasn’t a straight path. Some days, I felt strong, and other days, memories pulled me back into sadness, end of laughter, end of promises, end of deep talks, but as time passed, I learned to accept the pain instead of running from it. Heartbreak, though painful, became a teacher. It showed me how resilient I was, helped me understand emotions more deeply, and gave me valuable lessons about love, loss, and personal growth. I realized that healing doesn’t mean forgetting but rather learning to live with the memories in a way that doesn’t hurt. Slowly, I started focusing on myself, rediscovering the things I once loved but had set aside. With time, I found joy in my own company, and the pain that once felt unbearable became just a part of my story, not my whole identity.

Why Are Heartbreaks Painful?

Heartbreak feels painful because your brain reacts to it the same way it does to physical pain. When you lose someone you love, your brain’s pain center becomes active, making the emotional pain feel real, almost like an actual injury. This is why heartbreak can cause headaches, chest pain, loss of appetite, and even trouble sleeping. Sometimes it feels like pain in the heart as well, but in reality, there is nothing over there.

Beyond the physical effects, heartbreak is also painful because it breaks the deep emotional bond you had with someone. And the trust you put on someone, Love creates a strong attachment, and when that connection is suddenly gone, your brain struggles to adjust. In my view, we become addicted to that person. Studies show that going through a breakup can feel similar to withdrawal from an addiction. Just like a person quitting a habit, you may experience mood swings, anxiety, and a strong urge to reconnect with your ex, even if you know it’s not the best idea. 

The sudden emptiness after a breakup can also lead to loneliness, sadness, and self-doubt. You keep questioning your self-worth or feel lost without the person who was once an important part of your life. But it’s important to remember that this pain is a natural response to loss. Instead of fighting your emotions, allowing yourself to grieve and heal with patience and self-care can help you move forward more healthily.

Steps to Heal and Move On:

 1. Stop Blaming Yourself:

We humans, after any loss or difficulty, normally blame ourselves. The same goes for the breakup; you might keep thinking about what you did wrong or how you could have saved the relationship. These thoughts can make you feel stuck, like everything was your fault. But the truth is, a relationship involves two people, and its success or failure is never because of just one person. Holding onto guilt will only make it harder to heal and move forward.

I remember feeling the same way when my relationship ended. I kept asking myself if I had done enough, if I had made mistakes that caused the breakup. I thought that things would have worked out if I had acted differently. But over time, I realized that it wasn’t all my fault. Some relationships simply don’t last, no matter how much effort you put in. When I stopped blaming myself, I started to see my own worth again.

Instead of focusing on the past, I started to learn from my experience. I explained myself every time whenever a question popped up. Soon I understood what I needed in a relationship and how I could grow as a person. If you are blaming yourself, try to be kind to yourself. A breakup is not just one person’s mistake—it happens for many reasons. Let go of guilt, learn from the past, and move forward with self-love.

2. Keep Yourself Busy:

It’s easy to sit alone and think about the past. You feel like empty and doing nothing, just lying in bed and remembering all the good times. But staying stuck in those thoughts will only make the pain last longer. Keeping yourself busy can help you heal. When your mind is focused on other things, you won’t have as much time to overthink or feel sad all the time. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings, but having a routine filled with positive activities can make a big difference in your healing process.

When I went through a breakup, I felt lost at first. I didn’t want to do anything, and everything reminded me of my past relationship. Even simple things like hearing a song or passing by a place we used to visit would bring back memories. At first, I let myself stay in that sadness, but I knew I couldn’t stay stuck forever. So, I decided to fill my days with activities to keep my mind occupied. I started reading every morning, something I always enjoyed but never had time for before. In the afternoons, I would go for a walk, listening to music or a podcast. In the evenings, I made plans to meet friends or watch a new show. These little things gave my days structure and slowly helped me feel normal again.

I decided to join a fitness class. Exercising every day gave me something to look forward to and made me feel stronger, both physically and mentally. At first, I forced myself to go, but over time, I actually started enjoying it. It was a reminder that I could take care of myself and focus on my own growth. Doing things you love can really help. Try exercising, picking up a hobby, or spending time with people who make you happy. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, but don’t let it take over your life. The more you stay active and focus on yourself, the faster you will heal and move forward.

3. Rely on Your Network of Support:

Even when you have family and friends around, heartbreak can make you feel completely alone. You might think that no one understands what you’re going through or that talking about it too much will annoy people. But the truth is, your loved ones want to help you.

At first, I was scared to share my pain because I thought people would see me as "too emotional." But when I finally opened up, I realized that my family and friends were happy to support me. They reminded me that I was loved, I deserve a better life, I should be loved, listened to without judgment, and given advice when I needed it.

During this time, try to spend time with people who make you feel good. Whether it’s having deep conversations, watching movies together, or just sitting in silence, being around those who truly care about you can help you heal.

4. Put Self-Care First:

Heartbreak doesn’t just hurt your emotions—it also affects your body. On my worst days, I barely ate, couldn’t sleep well, and had no energy to exercise. But I realized that taking care of my body was just as important as healing my heart.

I started making small changes. Even when I didn’t feel like it, I went for a walk. Instead of eating too much junk food, I chose healthy meals that made me feel better in the long run. I also made sure to rest properly. These little steps helped me feel stronger and more in control of my life. Even when my friends planned for a trip, I went with them, which played a main role in healing.

Self-care isn’t just about staying healthy—it’s also about doing things that make you happy. Maybe that means taking a long shower, painting, dancing, or reading a good book. Whatever brings you joy, do more of it.

5. Rediscover Your Interests:

In relationships, we often make small sacrifices without realizing it. Maybe you stopped doing a hobby because your ex wasn’t interested, or you spent so much time together that you forgot about your own passions. Now is the time to take back those parts of yourself.

After my breakup, I felt a space in my life. The time I used to spend with my ex now feels lonely and difficult. But then I asked myself, What did I love doing before this relationship? I started painting again after years of ignoring it. I picked up books that had been sitting on my shelf for too long. Slowly, I started enjoying my own company. I started listening to music but not sad music, only the fun music.

Think about what you used to love before your relationship, or try something completely new. Maybe take a dance class, learn a new language, or visit a place you’ve always wanted to see. This isn’t just a way to pass time—it’s a way to rediscover yourself and build a happy, fulfilling life on your own.

6. Seek Professional Help:

Sometimes, a breakup feels too heavy to handle alone. If your sadness doesn’t go away or starts affecting your daily life—like your job, health, or relationships—it might be time to get professional help.

There is nothing wrong with going to therapy. In fact, it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your emotions, break unhealthy thought patterns, and find better ways to cope. I know people who were afraid to try therapy because they thought they should be able to handle things alone. But once they started, they realized how much it helped them heal and grow.

Even if therapy doesn’t feel right for you, there are other ways to get support. You can read books about self-love and healing, try guided meditation, or join support groups where you can talk to others going through the same thing.

7. Avoid rebound relationships:

It can be tempting to start dating someone new right away, especially if you feel lonely or need validation. I have seen others do this, and I have done it myself. At first, it feels like a good distraction, but in reality, a rebound relationship doesn’t truly heal the pain. It might help for a little while, but it doesn’t fix the deeper hurt.

When I was heartbroken, I told myself that finding someone new would make me feel better. And for a short time, it did. The excitement and attention made me feel like I was in control again. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t emotionally ready. In the end, the pain I had ignored came back.

Instead of rushing into a new relationship, take time to heal. Learn to be comfortable being alone and enjoy your own company. A new relationship should not be a way to fill an emptiness inside you—it should come from a place of happiness and self-love.

Moving Forward:

There is no direct and easy way to heal. Some days, you will feel strong and independent, while other days, the pain may return. But as long as you keep moving forward, even in small ways, you are healing. Healing isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about learning from it and growing stronger.

Remember, your worth is not based on your past relationships. Just because someone left doesn’t mean you are less valuable. You are whole, even on your own. The love and care you once gave to someone else can now be given to yourself.

This breakup is not the end of your story—it’s the start of a new chapter. One day, when you look back, you’ll see that this pain helped you grow into a stronger and happier version of yourself. With time, you will realize that life has new opportunities waiting for you, and your heart will heal in ways you never imagined.

Read More