What is a breakup? An end of any relationship? For me, it was more than just an ending—it was a wave of emotions I wasn’t prepared for. At first, I told myself I would be fine, I was continuously crying and was unable to control my emotions, and started to blame myself, but as days passed, the reality of the loss settled in. Even though we parted on good terms, the routine I was so used to was gone, leaving behind a strange emptiness.
Moving on wasn’t a straight path. Some days, I felt strong, and other days, memories pulled me back into sadness, end of laughter, end of promises, end of deep talks, but as time passed, I learned to accept the pain instead of running from it. Heartbreak, though painful, became a teacher. It showed me how resilient I was, helped me understand emotions more deeply, and gave me valuable lessons about love, loss, and personal growth. I realized that healing doesn’t mean forgetting but rather learning to live with the memories in a way that doesn’t hurt. Slowly, I started focusing on myself, rediscovering the things I once loved but had set aside. With time, I found joy in my own company, and the pain that once felt unbearable became just a part of my story, not my whole identity.
Why Are Heartbreaks Painful?
Heartbreak feels painful because your brain reacts to it the same way it does to physical pain. When you lose someone you love, your brain’s pain center becomes active, making the emotional pain feel real, almost like an actual injury. This is why heartbreak can cause headaches, chest pain, loss of appetite, and even trouble sleeping. Sometimes it feels like pain in the heart as well, but in reality, there is nothing over there.
Beyond the physical effects, heartbreak is also painful because it breaks the deep emotional bond you had with someone. And the trust you put on someone, Love creates a strong attachment, and when that connection is suddenly gone, your brain struggles to adjust. In my view, we become addicted to that person. Studies show that going through a breakup can feel similar to withdrawal from an addiction. Just like a person quitting a habit, you may experience mood swings, anxiety, and a strong urge to reconnect with your ex, even if you know it’s not the best idea.
The sudden emptiness after a breakup can also lead to loneliness, sadness, and self-doubt. You keep questioning your self-worth or feel lost without the person who was once an important part of your life. But it’s important to remember that this pain is a natural response to loss. Instead of fighting your emotions, allowing yourself to grieve and heal with patience and self-care can help you move forward more healthily.
Steps to Heal and Move On:
1. Stop Blaming Yourself:
We humans, after any loss or difficulty, normally blame ourselves. The same goes for the breakup; you might keep thinking about what you did wrong or how you could have saved the relationship. These thoughts can make you feel stuck, like everything was your fault. But the truth is, a relationship involves two people, and its success or failure is never because of just one person. Holding onto guilt will only make it harder to heal and move forward.
I remember feeling the same way when my relationship ended. I kept asking myself if I had done enough, if I had made mistakes that caused the breakup. I thought that things would have worked out if I had acted differently. But over time, I realized that it wasn’t all my fault. Some relationships simply don’t last, no matter how much effort you put in. When I stopped blaming myself, I started to see my own worth again.
Instead of focusing on the past, I started to learn from my experience. I explained myself every time whenever a question popped up. Soon I understood what I needed in a relationship and how I could grow as a person. If you are blaming yourself, try to be kind to yourself. A breakup is not just one person’s mistake—it happens for many reasons. Let go of guilt, learn from the past, and move forward with self-love.
2. Keep Yourself Busy:
It’s easy to sit alone and think about the past. You feel like empty and doing nothing, just lying in bed and remembering all the good times. But staying stuck in those thoughts will only make the pain last longer. Keeping yourself busy can help you heal. When your mind is focused on other things, you won’t have as much time to overthink or feel sad all the time. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore your feelings, but having a routine filled with positive activities can make a big difference in your healing process.
When I went through a breakup, I felt lost at first. I didn’t want to do anything, and everything reminded me of my past relationship. Even simple things like hearing a song or passing by a place we used to visit would bring back memories. At first, I let myself stay in that sadness, but I knew I couldn’t stay stuck forever. So, I decided to fill my days with activities to keep my mind occupied. I started reading every morning, something I always enjoyed but never had time for before. In the afternoons, I would go for a walk, listening to music or a podcast. In the evenings, I made plans to meet friends or watch a new show. These little things gave my days structure and slowly helped me feel normal again.
I decided to join a fitness class. Exercising every day gave me something to look forward to and made me feel stronger, both physically and mentally. At first, I forced myself to go, but over time, I actually started enjoying it. It was a reminder that I could take care of myself and focus on my own growth. Doing things you love can really help. Try exercising, picking up a hobby, or spending time with people who make you happy. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, but don’t let it take over your life. The more you stay active and focus on yourself, the faster you will heal and move forward.
3. Rely on Your Network of Support:
Even when you have family and friends around, heartbreak can make you feel completely alone. You might think that no one understands what you’re going through or that talking about it too much will annoy people. But the truth is, your loved ones want to help you.
At first, I was scared to share my pain because I thought people would see me as "too emotional." But when I finally opened up, I realized that my family and friends were happy to support me. They reminded me that I was loved, I deserve a better life, I should be loved, listened to without judgment, and given advice when I needed it.
During this time, try to spend time with people who make you feel good. Whether it’s having deep conversations, watching movies together, or just sitting in silence, being around those who truly care about you can help you heal.
4. Put Self-Care First:
Heartbreak doesn’t just hurt your emotions—it also affects your body. On my worst days, I barely ate, couldn’t sleep well, and had no energy to exercise. But I realized that taking care of my body was just as important as healing my heart.
I started making small changes. Even when I didn’t feel like it, I went for a walk. Instead of eating too much junk food, I chose healthy meals that made me feel better in the long run. I also made sure to rest properly. These little steps helped me feel stronger and more in control of my life. Even when my friends planned for a trip, I went with them, which played a main role in healing.
Self-care isn’t just about staying healthy—it’s also about doing things that make you happy. Maybe that means taking a long shower, painting, dancing, or reading a good book. Whatever brings you joy, do more of it.
5. Rediscover Your Interests:
In relationships, we often make small sacrifices without realizing it. Maybe you stopped doing a hobby because your ex wasn’t interested, or you spent so much time together that you forgot about your own passions. Now is the time to take back those parts of yourself.
After my breakup, I felt a space in my life. The time I used to spend with my ex now feels lonely and difficult. But then I asked myself, What did I love doing before this relationship? I started painting again after years of ignoring it. I picked up books that had been sitting on my shelf for too long. Slowly, I started enjoying my own company. I started listening to music but not sad music, only the fun music.
Think about what you used to love before your relationship, or try something completely new. Maybe take a dance class, learn a new language, or visit a place you’ve always wanted to see. This isn’t just a way to pass time—it’s a way to rediscover yourself and build a happy, fulfilling life on your own.
6. Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, a breakup feels too heavy to handle alone. If your sadness doesn’t go away or starts affecting your daily life—like your job, health, or relationships—it might be time to get professional help.
There is nothing wrong with going to therapy. In fact, it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your emotions, break unhealthy thought patterns, and find better ways to cope. I know people who were afraid to try therapy because they thought they should be able to handle things alone. But once they started, they realized how much it helped them heal and grow.
Even if therapy doesn’t feel right for you, there are other ways to get support. You can read books about self-love and healing, try guided meditation, or join support groups where you can talk to others going through the same thing.
7. Avoid rebound relationships:
It can be tempting to start dating someone new right away, especially if you feel lonely or need validation. I have seen others do this, and I have done it myself. At first, it feels like a good distraction, but in reality, a rebound relationship doesn’t truly heal the pain. It might help for a little while, but it doesn’t fix the deeper hurt.
When I was heartbroken, I told myself that finding someone new would make me feel better. And for a short time, it did. The excitement and attention made me feel like I was in control again. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t emotionally ready. In the end, the pain I had ignored came back.
Instead of rushing into a new relationship, take time to heal. Learn to be comfortable being alone and enjoy your own company. A new relationship should not be a way to fill an emptiness inside you—it should come from a place of happiness and self-love.
Moving Forward:
There is no direct and easy way to heal. Some days, you will feel strong and independent, while other days, the pain may return. But as long as you keep moving forward, even in small ways, you are healing. Healing isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about learning from it and growing stronger.
Remember, your worth is not based on your past relationships. Just because someone left doesn’t mean you are less valuable. You are whole, even on your own. The love and care you once gave to someone else can now be given to yourself.
This breakup is not the end of your story—it’s the start of a new chapter. One day, when you look back, you’ll see that this pain helped you grow into a stronger and happier version of yourself. With time, you will realize that life has new opportunities waiting for you, and your heart will heal in ways you never imagined.
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