Being human, we keep feeling for everything and everyone, and when those feelings hurt, we cannot bear it. I was the kind of person who could not let go of even the small things. I used to hold on to people, memories, and emotions so tightly that when someone left, it felt like a deep wound that would never heal. But today, I am different. Now, if something or someone wants to leave, I let them go without begging them to stay. How did I change? Let me tell you!
For the longest time, I was afraid of rejection. I feared being left behind, and because of that, I gave too much of myself to people. I cared deeply, but I noticed something—people didn’t value me the same way. They left easily, without hesitation, without looking back. I was always there for them, yet when it was their turn, they didn’t show the same care. Many of my good friends left me, and later, some of them regretted it. But by then, I had already moved on. At first, I used to think, Maybe I am too good—that’s why people don’t stop for me. I convinced myself that those who walked away would eventually realize my worth. But one day, I decided I didn’t want to wait for people to regret leaving me. Instead, I had to change my own habits.
It wasn’t easy. In the beginning, I still made the same mistakes. I still cared too much. I still held on when I shouldn’t have. But over time, I learned. I trained myself to give value only where it was deserved. I stopped making excuses for those who walked away. I reminded myself that my peace was more important than chasing people who didn’t care. And now? Letting go comes naturally to me. That doesn’t mean I never feel sad—sometimes, I do—but not for long. I have learned that life goes on, and so do I. I changed myself, and now, I am truly happy because I can let go with ease.
But why is it so hard for us to let go? Why do we keep holding on, even when it hurts? There are many reasons—fear, love, regret, attachment, and even the hope that things will change. In this article, I will share the real reasons why we struggle to move on and how we can finally free ourselves from the past.
1. Overthinking and Holding on the Memories
The biggest reason we struggle to move on is overthinking. Our minds keep repeating the same memories, making it impossible to let go. I have been through this myself. There was a time when I would sit for hours, thinking about the past, replaying conversations, and wondering what I could have done differently. How I got hurt, should I recover it, should I try once more? Every small detail would come back to me—words people said, the way they left, and the moments that made me happy before everything changed. I thought that if I kept thinking about it, maybe I would find an answer, maybe I could make sense of it all. But the more I thought, the more it hurt.
Memories have a strange power over us. The good ones make us miss the past, and the bad ones remind us of our pain. I used to believe that if I kept remembering certain moments, they would somehow stay alive, that I would not lose the people connected to them. But I was wrong. Holding on to memories only kept me stuck in a place where those people no longer existed. I was reliving the past while life was moving forward without me. People who left me were happy without me.
I realized that overthinking was like carrying a heavy bag everywhere I went. It drained my energy, made me sad, and stopped me from enjoying the present. The truth is, the past cannot change, no matter how many times we think about it. The more we hold on, the more we suffer. I had to learn to control my thoughts, to remind myself that thinking about something a hundred times wouldn’t make it different. It was difficult at first—I still found myself lost in old memories. But with time, I trained myself to stop. Whenever my mind tried to go back, I reminded myself that I deserved peace. I realized that I have to be normal one day, so why not today? Why suffer for a long time before this peace, and I started to work on it.
Letting go of memories doesn’t mean forgetting them completely. It means accepting them without allowing them to control us. Now, when I look back, I see those memories as lessons instead of wounds. I no longer overthink the past because I know my life is happening now, in the present. And that is where my focus should be.
2. Attachment Anxiety and Fear of Losing People
I struggled with attachment anxiety for a long time. I was always afraid that people would leave me, even when they had no intention of doing so. This fear made me hold on too tightly to the people I cared about. I wanted to make sure they stayed, but in doing so, I ended up pushing them away instead. I had a deep fear of being abandoned, and it felt like no matter how hard I tried to show love and care, it was never enough to make people stay forever.
This fear of losing people started with childhood experiences where I felt abandoned or misunderstood. I learned to cling to relationships, always worried that any small mistake would cause the person to leave. Every little argument or misunderstanding would feel like a sign that someone might be slipping away from me. It wasn’t just about the person leaving—it was about the idea of being alone, of not being good enough to hold onto.
It took me a long time to realize that this fear was creating more harm than good. I was constantly anxious, overthinking every action and word. Instead of enjoying the relationship, I was living in fear. I found myself becoming dependent on others for reassurance, needing constant validation to feel secure. And even then, it didn’t feel like enough. I would worry about losing them, which only made me more anxious. I felt many times that the more I care, the more people take me for granted.
Eventually, I started to understand that this attachment anxiety wasn’t about the people around me; it was about my own insecurities. I needed to work on loving myself first, instead of relying on others to fill that gap. I learned that people come and go in life, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of love or that I won’t find meaningful connections. Letting go of the fear of losing people was a huge step toward healing. I learned that relationships should be based on mutual respect and trust, not on the fear of abandonment.
Now, I am more comfortable with the idea that not everyone will stay forever, and that’s a natural part of life. We are born alone, and we will be buried alone. So, instead of holding on with anxiety, I focus on enjoying the present moment and appreciating the people who choose to stay. I’ve learned that true peace comes when we stop fearing loss and start living with the knowledge that we are enough, regardless of who stays or goes.
3. Waiting for Closure, an Answer That May Never Come
For a long time, I found myself stuck in the belief that I needed closure to move on. I thought that if I just got one final conversation, one clear answer, or an apology, I could finally let go and move forward. It felt like I couldn’t truly heal without understanding why things ended the way they did, whether it was with a friend, a partner, or even a situation that hurt me deeply. I wanted that last piece of the puzzle, the thing that would make everything make sense. But over time, I learned that sometimes, closure just doesn’t come. As I tried it and successfully talked to make it final, but it always became a fight, not a closure, and was a never-ending argument.
I remember waiting and hoping for someone to explain their actions or to give me the answers I so desperately needed. But each time I waited, I only found more frustration. I started realizing that the more I waited for closure, the more I held on to the past. I was stuck in a loop of wanting something that wasn’t guaranteed. Waiting for someone else to fix my emotions, to make everything better with one conversation, was keeping me from moving forward.
It was a hard lesson to learn, but eventually, I understood that closure isn’t something someone else can give me—it’s something I have to find within myself. I had to stop expecting answers that might never come and start giving myself the freedom to heal. It wasn’t easy, and I still felt like I needed to understand why things happened. But I slowly began to realize that some things are out of our control, and not every situation will have a clear explanation. Instead of focusing on why it happened, I started focusing on how I could move forward with peace.
Letting go of the need for closure was liberating. I no longer felt like I was waiting for permission to heal. Instead, I accepted that sometimes we don’t get the answers we want, and that’s okay. Healing is not about understanding everything—it’s about accepting that some things are meant to remain a mystery. Once I stopped waiting for someone else to give me closure, I found peace within myself. And that peace is the best form of closure I could have asked for.
4. The "What If" and Regret
I was feeling like I was trapped in a cycle of "what if" thoughts. What if I had said something differently? What if I had acted in a better way? What if I had made a different decision? These questions haunted me, making it difficult to move on from past situations. I kept replaying events over and over in my mind, imagining alternate outcomes that never happened. The more I thought about these "what if" scenarios, the more regret built up inside me.
I used to think that if I could go back and change certain things, maybe the people I lost or the situations I didn’t handle well would have turned out differently. But in doing this, I was only holding myself back. Regret became my constant companion. I started to believe that if I had just been better, smarter, or stronger, everything would have been perfect. This thinking made it harder to forgive myself, and even harder to move forward.
But over time, I realized that living in the past, constantly asking “what if,” wasn’t helping me grow—it was keeping me stuck. I couldn’t change what had already happened, no matter how much I wished I could. I had to accept that mistakes are a part of life, and they don’t define who I am. It’s okay to regret certain choices, but it’s important not to let that regret control my future. I learned to be kinder to myself, understanding that I did the best I could at the time with what I knew.
Now, when those "what if" thoughts pop up, I acknowledge them and let them pass. I don’t allow myself to dwell on them as I once did. I’ve learned to focus on the present moment, where I have the power to make new decisions. Regret still comes, but it no longer holds the same weight. I’ve accepted that I’m human, and part of life is making mistakes and learning from them. Instead of asking "what if," I focus on what I can do now to make things better.
5. The Future We Once Dreamed Of
In my teen years, there was a time I could clearly see a future in my mind, a future full of hopes, dreams, and plans with the people I cared about. I had imagined how everything would unfold, and I believed that certain people would always be there by my side. But life doesn’t always go the way we plan, and when things didn’t turn out the way I had envisioned, it felt like I had lost more than just a relationship—I had lost the future I had built in my mind.
I remember thinking about the life I wanted to have, the trips I planned, the experiences I thought we’d share. I held on to these dreams for so long, convinced they were just around the corner. But as time passed, things changed. People changed. Dreams started to fade away as the reality I was facing didn’t match the future I had imagined. It was hard to let go of those dreams because they felt so real, even though they weren’t. I had to accept that some things would never happen, and some people would no longer be part of that dream.
It took a lot of self-reflection to realize that just because the future I had imagined didn’t come true, it didn’t mean that the future I was living couldn’t still be beautiful. I had to learn to let go of the "what could have been" and embrace what is. The future I dreamed of was no longer possible, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t create new dreams. Instead of holding on to a version of the future that was slipping away, I began to open myself up to new possibilities. I realized that my happiness didn’t depend on a fixed plan; it was about adapting to life’s changes and finding peace in the unknown.
Letting go of the future I once dreamed of wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. I had to free myself from the weight of expectations that no longer served me. Now, I look forward to new possibilities with an open heart, knowing that while the future may look different from what I expected, it can still be fulfilling and full of hope.
6. Fear of Facing a New Reality
When we find a thing or person we care about a lot, we can not think of living without them. The idea of stepping into a new reality without them felt terrifying. The thought of change seemed like an overwhelming unknown, and I wasn’t ready to face it. I kept holding on to what was familiar, even though it caused me pain, because at least it was something I knew. I feared the future, unsure of how to move forward without the comfort of what I was losing.
When life started changing around me, I resisted it. I feared losing more than I could handle, so I clung to the past. The thought of facing a reality that was different from what I had envisioned was frightening. I felt like I didn’t have control over my circumstances and wasn’t sure how to adjust to this new way of living. I thought I needed to hold on to the past to keep myself safe, but I eventually realized that the more I resisted, the more I was keeping myself stuck, and I don't have any control to hold the one who wants to go will go. I can never stop them
Over time, I began to see that embracing a new reality wasn’t about losing everything I knew. It was about adapting to life’s changes and finding strength in the unknown. While the fear didn’t go away instantly, I started allowing myself to take small steps toward a new future. I realized that change doesn’t always have to be scary; sometimes, it’s an opportunity to grow and discover new possibilities. By facing the reality ahead of me, I found that life could still be full of hope, even if it was different from what I expected.
7. Healing Doesn’t Mean You Won’t Feel Sad Again
I was thinking that once I started healing, I wouldn’t feel sad anymore. I imagined that after a certain amount of time had passed, the pain would be completely gone, and I’d feel fine again. But the truth I learned, through my own experience, is that healing doesn’t mean the sadness disappears forever. There are moments when the sadness still creeps in, even after I thought I had moved on. I used to feel frustrated by this, thinking that if I were truly healed, I wouldn’t have to face those emotions again.
I realized that healing isn’t about erasing the pain or pretending it never happened. It’s about learning how to live with it and accepting that sadness is a part of life. There are days when something reminds me of what I’ve lost or what didn’t work out, and I feel that sadness again. But now, instead of fighting it, I’ve learned to sit with it and understand that it's okay to feel that way. It doesn’t mean I’m not healing—it means I’m human.
Over time, I started to embrace the fact that sadness is a part of the healing journey. I no longer feel ashamed of it. I’ve learned that feeling sad doesn’t mean I’ve failed in my healing process. It just means I’m allowing myself to experience life fully—the highs and the lows. Healing is a journey, not a destination, and part of that journey is understanding that sadness can still show up. But the difference now is that I know how to handle it, and I don’t let it control me. I can be sad, but I can also keep moving forward. Now I am so strong that people admire me, ask me the secret of my happiness, which is "people come and go in your life until their role, which they have to play like a stage"
How Letting Go Helps You Move Forward in Life
Letting go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. For a long time, I held on tightly to people, memories, and dreams, believing that if I just tried harder or waited longer, things would work out. But over time, I realized that holding on to things that no longer served me was only causing more pain. Letting go didn’t mean that I was giving up; it meant that I was giving myself the chance to heal and move forward. It was, in a way, a gift to myself—a way to release the weight I had been carrying around for so long.
As I learned to let go, I started to see how much lighter I felt. I stopped blaming myself for things that were out of my control, and I stopped holding on to the past in a way that kept me stuck. Letting go allowed me to open my heart to new experiences and new possibilities. It gave me the freedom to grow, to learn from my past, and to embrace the future without fear. I began to realize that sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of what you can’t change and trust that what lies ahead will be just as meaningful.
Today, I see letting go not as an end, but as a new beginning. It’s a way to honor my journey and give myself the space to grow into the person I’m meant to be. While it’s not always easy, I now understand that letting go is one of the most powerful acts of self-love. By releasing what no longer serves me, I’ve made room for new joys, new experiences, and new opportunities that I couldn’t have imagined before. But it takes time; if you are a soft-hearted and caring person, you will have time to become that strong while keeping your kindness alive. Letting go wasn’t just a process; it was the most beautiful gift I’ve ever given myself.
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