Subtle Signs of Low Self-Esteem: 10 Behaviors You Might Not Realize You’re Doing

 Self-esteem is a complex concept. Until you stand back and truly examine your actions, you may not even be aware of how much it influences your relationships, decisions, and mental health. I used to believe I had a respectable level of self-esteem, but as time went on, I began to see little patterns that revealed a different picture—things I did without realizing it that revealed a deeper problem with self-worth.

You may be suffering from low self-esteem without even recognizing it if you've ever felt like you're always doubting yourself, downplaying your accomplishments, or finding it difficult to say no. These are eleven indicators that I have personally encountered, along with my insights on how to overcome them.

1. Apologizing Excessively

I used to say "sorry" all the time for things that didn't even need an apology, which was excessive. asking a question, bumping into someone, spending too long to respond to a text, or simply being there. People began pointing it up since it had become so commonplace: "Why are you apologizing? There was nothing wrong." I then saw that I wasn't only being kind; rather, I was terrified of causing trouble.

How I'm Trying: I now make an effort to stop myself before I apologize needlessly. I remark, "Thanks for your patience," rather than, "Sorry for the delay." Changing the way I speak has made me feel more comfortable in social situations.

2. Avoiding Compliments or Downplaying Achievements

I tended to dismiss compliments whenever they were given to me. "Oh, it didn't matter," or "I was fortunate." I was unable to accept that I truly merited the praise. I realized that this was a result of my inability to see my own value—I felt unworthy of being praised.

How I'm Working on It: I now try hard to just say "Thank you." No backtracking, no defending—just admitting that my work is worthy of praise.

3. Seeking Constant Validation from Others

I used to be completely preoccupied with gaining other people's acceptance. I required confirmation that I was doing the right things, that I was loved, and that I was competent. I depended on outside approval to feel good about myself, whether it was by continuously asking people, "Do you think I did okay?" or by looking at how many likes I received on social media.

How I'm Approaching It: I start by attempting to affirm myself. I record little victories in my diary, and rather than looking to other people for validation, I remind myself of my own accomplishments.

4. Overthinking and Second-Guessing Decisions

For me, making decisions used to be a nightmare. Even the tiniest decisions, like selecting a restaurant, sending a text, or deciding what to dress, would cause me great distress. I was always worried that I would make a poor decision or that others would think poorly of me.

How I'm Working on It: To gain confidence, I made rapid, modest, low-risk decisions. If I choose the "wrong" eatery? Not a huge deal. I tell myself that I don't have to overanalyze everything and that perfection isn't required.

5. Avoiding Challenges or New Opportunities

I have long let my fear of failing to keep me from taking risks. I wouldn't even bother when I saw an opportunity because I would instantly think, "I'm not good enough for this." The worst thing? This kind of thinking caused me to lose out on a lot of experiences.

My current approach is to reinterpret failure as a learning opportunity. I question myself, "What if I learn something new?" rather than, "What if I fail?" I have been able to take more chances by pushing myself, even if only a little.

6. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

When I was younger, I said yes to everything. even when I didn't want to or was too tired or stressed. I put a lot of effort into attempting to please everyone since I didn't want to offend anyone. The outcome? Resentment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of.

How I'm Getting Better: I now remind myself that saying no isn't impolite; rather, it's essential. "I'd love to help, but I don't have the capacity right now," is a phrase I've learned to use. Since I no longer feel overburdened, setting boundaries has actually strengthened my relationships.

7. Negative Self-Talk

I was terrible at talking to myself. In my mind, I would say things like "You're so stupid," "You'll never succeed," and "You're not good enough" that I would never say to a buddy. It wasn't until I began to pay attention to these ideas that I realized how much they were impacting my confidence.

How I'm Approaching It: I currently engage in self-compassion exercises. I pause and rethink my thoughts when I notice that they are negative. I remark, "I'm still learning," rather than, "I'm terrible at this." My feelings have significantly changed as a result of altering the way I speak to myself.

8. Comparing Yourself to Others

For me, social media made this behavior worse. I used to feel like I wasn't measuring up as I scrolled through pictures of people accomplishing goals, looking stunning, and leading ideal lives. The reality? I was contrasting my behind-the-scenes footage with the highlight reel of another person.

How I'm Approaching It: I remind myself that people only post their greatest experiences on social media, so I try to spend less time there. I concentrate on my own path and development rather than evaluating myself against others.

9. Being Overly Critical of Others

It wasn't until I gave it some thought that I realized this one was related to low self-esteem. I occasionally caught myself passing judgment on other people when I was insecure. It wasn’t because I actually disliked them—it was because I was projecting my own insecurities.

How I'm Dealing with It: Now, whenever I feel the need to pass judgment, I question myself, Am I feeling uncomfortable about myself or am I genuinely angry with them? Changing my viewpoint has made me more understanding of myself and other people.

10. Struggling to Accept Help

I used to believe that seeking assistance was a sign of weakness or incapacity. Even when I was having trouble, I wanted to manage everything by myself. But denying assistance just made matters more difficult.

How I'm Trying: I tell myself that asking for help doesn't make me weak; rather, it shows that I'm a person. I now make an effort to say "Thank you" rather than "I got it" when I obviously don't, whether it's for career guidance, emotional support, or simply someone holding the door open.

Why It's Important to Address Low Self-Esteem

It wasn't until I began to pay attention that I realized how much my life was being impacted by poor self-esteem. It affected my happiness, my relationships, and my choices. However, things improved when I recognized these tendencies and began to work on altering them.

Practical Steps That Have Helped Me Boost My Self-Esteem:

• Engage in self-compassion: Speaking to yourself as you would a friend.
• Establish Achievable Goals: Start with minor victories and work your way up.
• Surround Yourself with Positivity: Be in the company of positive individuals who encourage and support you.
• Take Part in Activities You Enjoy: Having fun increases your sense of value.
• Seek Professional Assistance: For me, therapy has been a game-changer in comprehending and conquering issues related to self-esteem.

You're not alone if you can identify with any of these symptoms. The good news? You may develop self-esteem over time; it is not a set quality. Be patient with yourself, start small, and never forget that you are worthy just the way you are. ❤️

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