Every parent aspires to raise a contented, self-assured, and emotionally resilient child. We want children to have confidence in themselves, to be resilient in the face of adversity, and to develop into well-adjusted, self-aware individuals. But even with the best of intentions, our parenting style might occasionally unintentionally hinder our kids' progress. Whether as a result of our own upbringing, personal anxieties, or social pressures, many of these behaviors are engrained in us. The good news is that these tendencies may be altered with awareness and work.
I have seen firsthand how minor changes in parenting may have a profound impact. I recall speaking with a close friend who, as a result of her upbringing, battled self-doubt well into adulthood. Despite their love, her parents frequently made comparisons between her and her cousin who excelled academically. She felt that she was never enough, no matter how hard she worked. She thereby developed a lifelong dread of failing and a propensity to doubt herself. She didn't understand how profoundly those early experiences had influenced her until she became a mom.
We must be aware of some parenting practices that could be more detrimental than beneficial if we wish to raise emotionally stable and self-assured kids. Here are five typical behaviors that may be impeding your child's progress and what you can do to change them.
1. Over-Criticizing Your Child
Have you ever found yourself berating your child and then feeling awful about it? You're not by yourself. Being a parent is challenging, and there are many things to be unhappy about. This episode will teach you how to distinguish between criticism and complaints, as well as how and why to quit berating your child.
Let's be honest. Children may be in a huge pain. They behave without giving it any thought. They don't make many judgments based on reasoning. They are passionate, theatrical, and reactive. They struggle to control their emotions. Typically, they aren't particularly neat. They undoubtedly like playing more than working. They have trouble keeping track of time and their possessions.
Rather, aim for helpful criticism that highlights development. Instead of saying, "You're always so messy," for instance, try saying something like, "Let's work together to organize your room better." This method maintains self-esteem while encouraging progress.
2. Comparing Your Child to Others
It's simple to become caught up in the comparison trap, particularly when we observe other kids thriving in social skills, athletics, or academics. Comparing their child to a sibling, classmate, or cousin is often seen by parents as a way to encourage them to do better. But instead of inspiring kids, this frequently has the reverse impact, making them feel unworthy.
I recall my own upbringing in a setting where comparisons were frequent. My cousin was told over and over again that her younger sister did better in school. She believed that her efforts were insufficient since someone else was always "better." She thus experienced poor self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy.
Pay attention to your child's skills and development rather than making comparisons. Instead of comparing oneself to others, promote introspection and self-improvement. Instead of feeling under pressure to be someone they're not, children who are valued for who they are grow to be confident in their own path.
3. Rescuing Them from Every Problem
As parents, we naturally wish to protect our kids from disappointment, annoyance, or adversity. Watching a youngster suffer is not fun for anyone. But when we keep stepping in to save them from failing, we deprive children of the chance to develop their resilience and problem-solving abilities.
I once met a mother who, whenever her kid became irritated, would rush to finish his schoolwork. Over time, he began avoiding problems entirely because he worried he couldn't manage them on his own, even though she believed she was helping him. Children who are overprotected may grow up to be unconfident in their own skills.
Encourage your youngster to solve problems on their own rather than solving them all for them. Help them consider what went wrong and how they can do better the next time if they don't succeed. Give them credit for their efforts rather than merely their accomplishments. Children will acquire persistence and a growth mentality if they are taught that failure is a necessary part of the process of progress.
4. Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Though it's normal to desire the best for your child, excessive expectations can cause worry and self-doubt. Some parents raise the standard so high that, regardless of their accomplishments, their kids feel like they are never good enough.
I had a neighbor whose daughter was pressured to do well in everything—extracurricular activities, athletics, piano lessons, and top grades. She was always anxious about failing her parents, even with her achievements. Because she was constantly striving for perfection, she was unable to enjoy her childhood.
Instead of putting too much pressure on your child, make sure your goals are reasonable and doable, taking into account their skills and interests. Encourage them to strive for excellence and let them discover what makes them happy. Instead of feeling under pressure to live up to inflated expectations, children flourish when they feel supported.
5. Dismissing Their Emotions
How often have you heard parents say things like, "You're overreacting," or "Stop crying, it's not a big deal"? Despite their seemingly innocuous nature, these expressions educate kids to repress their feelings instead of dealing with them. Children who experience constant invalidation may eventually find it difficult to communicate their emotions healthily.
I witnessed this firsthand with a buddy from my youth whose parents frequently downplayed her feelings. Instead of being encouraged to express her emotions, she was admonished to "toughen up" whenever she felt angry. Even in intimate relationships as an adult, she struggled to express her feelings.
Recognize your child's emotions rather than brushing them off. Say something like, "I see that you're feeling sad," if they're unhappy. Would you like to discuss it? Children gain emotional intelligence and improved coping mechanisms when they are taught that their feelings are normal.
6. Failing to Provide Positive Reinforcement
Even when youngsters are trying, they may feel ignored and undervalued if they don't receive enough positive feedback. By reaffirming a child's ideals and motivating them to keep trying, praise plays a critical role in boosting confidence. Without it, kids could think their efforts are in vain. Make it a practice to recognize your child's accomplishments, no matter how minor. Sincere remarks such as "I'm proud of how hard you worked on that project" might help them feel better and promote a growth mentality.
7. Being Overprotective
Seeing your child suffer is heartbreaking, and there's a tremendous need to step in and make things better. But resolving their issues all the time keeps kids from learning vital life skills like tenacity, critical thinking, and problem-solving.
I recall witnessing the younger brother of a friend struggle with a school assignment. In the end, his mother did most of the job for him since she wanted to assist. Even though he received a solid mark, he lost the chance to develop his independent problem-solving skills. As a result, he grew up depending on others to solve his issues, battling for independence as an adult.
Encourage your youngster to solve problems on their own rather than giving them answers right away. Asking "What do you think you should do?" is one example. or "What are some potential remedies? Allowing kids to think critically boosts their self-esteem and gets them ready for obstacles in real life.
8. Neglecting to Spend Quality Time Together
Many parents are busy balancing jobs, obligations, and everyday stress in today's fast-paced environment. Providing for a child's financial needs is vital, but so is maintaining an emotional bond with them. Children may feel unimportant when their parents are overly preoccupied or inaccessible, which can affect their emotional growth and sense of self.
This happened to a friend of mine whose father was often preoccupied with his job. He gave her what she needed materially, but he seldom ever spent time with her. She grew up wanting his attention, therefore she frequently looked to other people for approval. Years passed before she realized that her value was independent of whether or not she received attention.
It doesn't have to be expensive to spend time with your child. You can provide them the emotional stability they require and improve your relationship by giving them even 10 to 15 minutes of your whole attention every day, whether it be through a tale at bedtime, a meal together, or a discussion. Children are more likely to grow up with a strong feeling of self-worth if they perceive that their parents appreciate them.
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