Friendships are meant to be based on respect, understanding, and work. But what happens when you start feeling like you’re the only one trying? I know what it's like to be emotionally spent and wonder if a friendship is still worth maintaining. Recognizing one-sided friendships is essential for your general and mental health since they are draining.
I'll discuss several indicators I've seen in my personal experiences as well as how I've dealt with them.
1. You Always Initiate Contact
I always started by reaching out to a friend of mine a few years back. It was me that texted, planned, and checked in. We just wouldn't communicate if I didn't text first. It took me a long to discover that someone will try to make an effort if they genuinely respect your presence. A good friendship should be mutually beneficial rather than one-sided.
2. They only get in touch when they're in need.
This one hurts. My buddy would go weeks without speaking to me, yet they would always come through for me when they needed guidance, a favor, or emotional support. I initially persuaded myself that they may simply be busy. But after a while, I understood that they were just interested in what I had to give, not in me. Not merely because they need anything, a true friend will check in because they care.
3. One-sided conversations
Have you ever had a buddy who always speaks about themselves but seldom pays attention when you try to share anything with them? This has happened to me, and it's annoying. I recall listening to lengthy tirades about their issues, romances, and drama, only to discover that they never inquired about my well-being. It's a clear indication of an unbalanced friendship if they are the topic of your chats.
4. They Rarely Celebrate Your Successes
There was a buddy of mine who never seemed to be pleased with me. They would minimize my exciting news, divert the conversation, or worse, pretend to compete with me. Genuine friends will encourage you rather than act as though your accomplishments are a bother to them. Do they truly deserve to remain in your life if they are unable to enjoy your victories?
5. You Feel Drained After Interactions
Relationships need to make you feel better, not worse. I recall feeling as though I had just finished an emotional marathon as certain chats came to an end. Something is wrong if you always feel exhausted rather than supported while you're around that person.
6. They Don’t Make Time for You
Even though we all have hectic lives, people will make time for you if they appreciate you. A buddy of mine used to constantly have an excuse: "Something just came up," "too busy," or "too tired." Interestingly enough, though, they always made time for others. Someone's priorities are evident when they only make time for you when it's convenient for them.
7. You’re Always Compromising
I once came to the realization that I was the one who was always adapting—altering my plans, making extra effort, and even compromising my morals to make room for a so-called buddy. However, I never received the same leniency when I needed it. There should be balance in friendships. Asking yourself why you are usually the one making compromises is a good idea.
8. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
Instead of pushing your boundaries, a friend should respect them. Someone in my life consistently disregarded my boundaries, whether it was by downplaying my emotions, forcing me into awkward circumstances, or dismissing my need for space. Someone is not respecting you if they consistently break your boundaries, which are there for a purpose.
9. They Don’t Support You During Tough Times
Some individuals are just around for the good times, and that's the toughest revelation I've ever experienced. I recall going through a difficult time and observing that several of my friends had disappeared. There was stillness, no check-ins, no messages. A person isn't a true friend if they just show up while things are enjoyable and then vanish when things get difficult.
10. You Doubt Their Loyalty
Have you ever wondered if a buddy is truly on your side? Perhaps they are gossiping about you behind your back, or you suspect that they wouldn't stand up for you if necessary. Let me tell you, it's tiring to continually question the loyalty of a buddy. A friendship will always seem shaky if you can't trust them.
How to Handle a One-Sided Relationship
1. Reflect on Your Feelings
Take a step back and evaluate your feelings about this connection before making any judgments. Consider this: Do I feel appreciated? Am I being heard? Or do I sense that I'm being exploited? Making a change begins with acknowledging your feelings.
2. Have Open Communication
Have an open discussion if you determine that the friendship is worth preserving. I understand that these conversations might be awkward, but they are essential. Instead of saying "You never text me," use "I" statements like "I feel like I'm always reaching out first." This method focuses more on your feelings and less on confrontation.
3. Set Boundaries
If your friend constantly crosses lines, it’s time to establish boundaries. Let them know what you need and expect in the friendship. If they care, they’ll respect that. If they don’t—well, that tells you everything you need to know.
4. See How They React
Calling out someone's actions won't always be properly received. Take note of their response. Do they try to alter their behavior? Or do they brush off your emotions? You may decide whether to maintain this friendship based on their reaction.
5. Focus on Balanced Relationships
Invest in connections that seem mutually beneficial. I've discovered that the strongest friendships are those in which both parties experience support and worth. Be in the company of individuals who truly care about you.
6. Know When to Let Go
Sometimes walking away is the greatest thing you can do for yourself, although this part is difficult. It wasn't easy, but it was vital for me to let go of friendships that took more energy from me than they gave. It's acceptable when friendships don't last a lifetime.
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